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The Peach:
a feminist satire blog
Man refuses to listen to Cardi B's "profane" WAP. Instead prefers Lil B's "Suck My D*ck Ho."
The new Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion song, WAP, became one of the most popular hit rap songs in the world overnight. It won the MTV Music Award for the Best song of the Summer and became something of an anthem for female sexual empowerment.
However, one local man refuses to ever listen to it again.
“I was at a party and this girl I was talking to was on aux,” he said. “She played this song and I knew all she wanted to do was hook up with me. It was obvious. No ‘girlfriend material’ type would ever listen to anything like that.”
“It’s profane,” he said. “I just don’t like that type of music I guess. I don’t want to hear anyone talking about 'wet ass pussy.' I just wouldn’t want my daughters to listen to something like that.”
When asked what his favorite song of 2020 is, the man replied, “Suck My D*ck Ho” by rapper Lil B.
However, one local man refuses to ever listen to it again.
“I was at a party and this girl I was talking to was on aux,” he said. “She played this song and I knew all she wanted to do was hook up with me. It was obvious. No ‘girlfriend material’ type would ever listen to anything like that.”
“It’s profane,” he said. “I just don’t like that type of music I guess. I don’t want to hear anyone talking about 'wet ass pussy.' I just wouldn’t want my daughters to listen to something like that.”
When asked what his favorite song of 2020 is, the man replied, “Suck My D*ck Ho” by rapper Lil B.
Female journalist under fire for reporting facts about the Women's March.
Local journalist assigned to report on the Women’s March, attacked for “inserting her female bias.”
The Eagle Eye published the article the day after the Women’s March, under the news section titled “This Event Happened.”
Patrons of the Orange County publication and co-workers alike were “outraged” as their beloved paper began to “spew liberal propaganda.”
One of the lines of the piece in question is the introduction sentence. It reads “On the day after the Inauguration, people gathered to take part in the Women’s March on Washington, to advocate for the rights of women.”
An upset co-worker filed this complaint “A lot of talk about women coming from our only female staff writer. Obvious bias here.”
A patron of The Eagle Eye emailed “I don’t want to have some hippy dippy man-hater march on my T.V. as I’m trying to get to FOX News! It makes me feel oppressed!”
Woman fired from publication. Male co-worker promoted.
The Eagle Eye published the article the day after the Women’s March, under the news section titled “This Event Happened.”
Patrons of the Orange County publication and co-workers alike were “outraged” as their beloved paper began to “spew liberal propaganda.”
One of the lines of the piece in question is the introduction sentence. It reads “On the day after the Inauguration, people gathered to take part in the Women’s March on Washington, to advocate for the rights of women.”
An upset co-worker filed this complaint “A lot of talk about women coming from our only female staff writer. Obvious bias here.”
A patron of The Eagle Eye emailed “I don’t want to have some hippy dippy man-hater march on my T.V. as I’m trying to get to FOX News! It makes me feel oppressed!”
Woman fired from publication. Male co-worker promoted.
Local boyfriend explains that The Onion article "actually made some really good points."
Exclusive interview with local boyfriend after girlfriend dumps him for agreeing with 2017 Onion article titled “This Women’s Strike Won’t Accomplish Anything, ‘Reports Man Who Will Boycott Upcoming Avengers’ Movie.”
After receiving the article in a text from his girlfriend, the boyfriend replied, “So true lmfao.”
“She got real mad at that. She started talking about how it ‘isn’t funny in the way I think it is’ and how it ‘isn’t a real article.’ And I’m like babe- The Onion is my favorite news outlet of all time. And I trust any man who doesn’t support the Avengers.”
“She’s always talking about how she is ‘often unfairly discriminated against based on her sex at work’ or something. And how she wants to quit her job. So, she sends me that news article and I’m like ‘See? Don’t Quit. Walking out is not gonna do anything.”
“Plus, she like, financially supports me,” said the boyfriend.
After failing to make any progress in explaining the concept of satire to her boyfriend, girlfriend leaves him because she realizes he’s just a misogynist.
“I can’t believe she walked out on me. I miss her so much. I can’t sleep. I can’t eat. I also physically have no food,” remarks the dumpee.
After receiving the article in a text from his girlfriend, the boyfriend replied, “So true lmfao.”
“She got real mad at that. She started talking about how it ‘isn’t funny in the way I think it is’ and how it ‘isn’t a real article.’ And I’m like babe- The Onion is my favorite news outlet of all time. And I trust any man who doesn’t support the Avengers.”
“She’s always talking about how she is ‘often unfairly discriminated against based on her sex at work’ or something. And how she wants to quit her job. So, she sends me that news article and I’m like ‘See? Don’t Quit. Walking out is not gonna do anything.”
“Plus, she like, financially supports me,” said the boyfriend.
After failing to make any progress in explaining the concept of satire to her boyfriend, girlfriend leaves him because she realizes he’s just a misogynist.
“I can’t believe she walked out on me. I miss her so much. I can’t sleep. I can’t eat. I also physically have no food,” remarks the dumpee.
Woman "soft launches" her new boyfriend
Twitter celebrity Rachel Sennott announces the “soft launch” of her new boyfriend.
The launch consisted of a blurry photo of alleged boyfriend, across the table from Sennott at dinner. The photo did not include a tag of the man’s Instagram handle.
“I’m just testing the waters,” said Sennott. “I want people to know that I have a boyfriend without the commitment of people actually knowing who he is or what he looks like.”
Sennott also believes that she may lose a large portion of her male Twitter following if she ever decides to confirm that she does in fact have a serious boyfriend.
“A lot of my content is me very bluntly discussing my hook up culture journey living in NYC. IT tends to draw a large male audience. I don’t want my Twitter boyfriends to ever feel threatened by my real-life boyfriend.”
But, realistically, Sennott cares more about her female fans anyways- who are all tuned in to witness the final launch.
“You guys will know once I’ve officially decided that this guy’s my boyfriend. The official announcement will likely appear in the form of an Instagram post, where you can see his entire face, and maybe a heart- if I’m feeling ballsy.”
****this tweet from Rachel Sennott is real, but this interview is made up and satirized for the use of this project*****
The launch consisted of a blurry photo of alleged boyfriend, across the table from Sennott at dinner. The photo did not include a tag of the man’s Instagram handle.
“I’m just testing the waters,” said Sennott. “I want people to know that I have a boyfriend without the commitment of people actually knowing who he is or what he looks like.”
Sennott also believes that she may lose a large portion of her male Twitter following if she ever decides to confirm that she does in fact have a serious boyfriend.
“A lot of my content is me very bluntly discussing my hook up culture journey living in NYC. IT tends to draw a large male audience. I don’t want my Twitter boyfriends to ever feel threatened by my real-life boyfriend.”
But, realistically, Sennott cares more about her female fans anyways- who are all tuned in to witness the final launch.
“You guys will know once I’ve officially decided that this guy’s my boyfriend. The official announcement will likely appear in the form of an Instagram post, where you can see his entire face, and maybe a heart- if I’m feeling ballsy.”
****this tweet from Rachel Sennott is real, but this interview is made up and satirized for the use of this project*****
Woman's idea stolen by man who said it louder
Couple splits before Quarantine, Boyfriend has "no clue" where to buy toilet paper.
Woman on period killed by shark. Exclusive Interview with eye-witness fish who claims "she knew what she was getting into."
Woman sleeps through movie, man explains part she was awake for
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